Global Warming Research Linked To Grants Funding Useless Italian Professors

Big news today folks: Global warming is possibly linked to an enhanced risk of suicide.

This coming from Mr. A. Preti, psychologist, and author of some of the greatest research of our time, including the gem which states “reduction in prison overcrowding is a key issue which needs to be implemented to reduce the impact of suicide and self-harming behaviors in convicts “.

Thanks Einstein. I know this may be a huge shock to the liberals reading this blog, but being in close proximity to high-density populations of sex-starved male prisoners can actually lead to an increase in things such as suicide, voting democrat, and becoming a member of the Nation of Islam.

Oh, and before I forget about the warm weather making us want to cliff-dive, may I point out articles such as this from Slate which details how human mortality suffers most when it’s chilly outside. Articles like this one abound, but unfortunately, won’t get you money from Greenpeace, Al Gore, or Soros.

What’s a poor Italian professor to do?

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