Archer Martin

*RELEVANCE ALERT*

The Florida Senate is pushing through a bill which will add a “I choose not to vote” option to the ballot, in order to allow voters to “clearly display disdain for election officials.”

Ever hear of pressing “next” on the voting machine? This kinda reminds me of people who sign up for an email newsletter, report it as spam, and then reward themselves with a giant candy bar. Or crack cocaine.

In other news, the horribly repressed women of Iran continue to be arrested for wearing “loose” headscarves in public. No word when they will have the privilege to vote, but experts say it will probably occur during breaks between their hourly duties of watering camels and purifying uranium.

FLASH! Devastating Moyers Probe of Press and Iraq Coming.

Hooray! Finally the press members have laid down their hammer and sickles in order to pick up the Red, White, and Blue. Right?

No.

The article begins: “The most powerful indictment of the news media falling down in its duties in the run-up to the war in Iraq will appear next Wednesday..on PBS.” It continues, ” While much of the evidence of the media’s role as cheerleaders for the war is not new…”

What? Cheerleaders? If by cheerleaders, you mean Carrie I might understand. Goodness, if the press loved the islamofascists anymore they may actually start saying Christians pose a greater threat than terrorists!

Yaaaaawwwwnnn…

Oh. Sorry. The last thing I remember was watching James Cameron’s exciting, ground-breaking, Christianity-destroying news conference about finding Jesus’ tomb, and now I’m in front of my tv surrounded by dirty clothes and stray cats. What a time!

Speaking of time, Nancy Pelosi promised Congress would spend more of it working, and less of it stashing away $90,000 in freezers. Do you think she’s kept that promise? Her word is about as valuable now as Paris Hilton’s “virginity pledge” from middle school summer camp. No wonder the democrats trust Mahmoud Ackdaminjianabsahasb of Iran!

Finally, about Iran. After seeing it laugh at another U.N. resolution, the “world powers” have taken a tough stand:

A NEW RESOLUTION.

The Russian Foreign Minister was quoted as saying he was “concerned with more frequent talks by the U.S. regarding possible military strikes”, while The New Yorker detailed our “possible bombing plan” against Iran.

So, the U.N. is a bunch of wimps, Russia sides with Iran’s nuclear ambitions, and the New Yorker outs our military plans to the world.

I can obviously conclude from all of this that global warming is indeed the greatest threat to mankind.

Am I the only person who is annoyed by the slew of financial services and insurance ads directed at baby boomers?

From Dennis Hopper to tye-dye, each ad is a little different, but conveys the same message: You, Baby Boomers, lived through it all. You presided over the destruction of morals and rallying of communist ideals in the 60’s, the music industry’s lowest point in the 70’s, cocaine and the extended hangover of the 80’s, Presidential disgrace in the 90’s, lukewarm war protests and tenure at universities in the 2000’s, and coming up, the bankrupting of social security, medicare, medicaid, and every other dollar our vigorous economy can provide you to supply your selfish retirement in the 2010’s and beyond.

Well, if “re-defining retirement” means “electing democrats to pass every single entitlement program to make up for lost economic time I spent finding myself as a buddhist monk selling animal balloons to junkie nubile coeds”, then I think the boomer generation has finally come up with a truly great generational distinction: Greatest contribution to the downfall of a nation by any generation in history.

This is the first in a series of posts where I talk about recent news concerning China.

Yesterday, I was unfortunately forced to watch Wolfie Blitzah reporting on CNN about China’s successful new satellite killer weapon. He and the other CNN correspondant were lamenting the fact that this act was “inconsistent with the spirit of cooperation in space”.

What spirit? Space isn’t the final frontier, it’s the next frontier, and whoever controls it militarily will control the unlimited resources and geography it provides. While Britain whines about space junk and NASA spends 17 billion dollars a year on key projects such as surveying the flatulence of Saturn’s giant moon, China spends 500 million dollars a year figuring out how to dominate the universe. Thankfully, they reassure us with press releases such as “China consistently uses space only for peaceful purposes”.

Well, I’m optimistic that CNN and Wolfie Blitzer have learned their lesson about trusting our enemies. After all this, they wouldn’t be stupid enough to immediately report on how the U.S. missed an opportunity to negotiate a partnership with Iran, would they?

After an extended holiday break, I’m back and better than ever.

Well, definitely better than Fazul Abdullah Mohammed, who recently gained admittance to Jannah thanks to an American AC-130, but probably worse than Senator Obama, who’s shirtless barack-attack has the usually atheistic media declaring him the new savior of American politics.

So, what makes him so special? Maybe it’s his distinguished record of public service. Perhaps his lack of drug use. We know how the media hates drug use! Just look at President Bush, who was smeared by stories preceding his 2000 election of his alleged cocaine use.

Goodness, they’ve even started to compare him to a certain member of the Kennedy family. Considering this picture or say, this picture, I’d say he is in good company!