Archer Martin

FLASH! Devastating Moyers Probe of Press and Iraq Coming.

Hooray! Finally the press members have laid down their hammer and sickles in order to pick up the Red, White, and Blue. Right?

No.

The article begins: “The most powerful indictment of the news media falling down in its duties in the run-up to the war in Iraq will appear next Wednesday..on PBS.” It continues, ” While much of the evidence of the media’s role as cheerleaders for the war is not new…”

What? Cheerleaders? If by cheerleaders, you mean Carrie I might understand. Goodness, if the press loved the islamofascists anymore they may actually start saying Christians pose a greater threat than terrorists!

I wonder if Justice Ginsburg is upset because she and Janet Reno were thinking of aborting their love child if things turned out badly at the last minute. You know, like the girl being hot, Republican, or chaste.

Past few weeks have been busy. Too busy. Don’t worry. I’ll be back, and the millions of you (hi mom!) who read this will finally be able to end the hunger strikes and return to work…only to read my blog when you should be working.

As an esteemed member of the elite mainstream media, I am often privy to little-known but very important facts, including Chevron station deals on Diet Coke and dates of when the local bank gets a shipment of two dollar bills.

Today, however, I will be talking about the power play list. Unknown to all but a few, it ranks every display of power (power play) by an individual or nation. The list stretches into the trillions, but here is a sampling, ranked highest to lowest:

#1: August 6th, 1945: U.S.A. nukes Hiroshima
#3: June 6th, 1944: Allies invade Normandy
…
#236,923: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin cuts in front of line of girl-scouts at the ice cream shop
#493,203,326: March 31st, 2007: Geraldine Ferraro “gets Hillary’s back” against “Republican dirty tricks”. No word about getting her back concerning Bill’s “dirty tricks”.
#2,833,269,920: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin demands extra napkins from the owner of ice cream shop
#2,833,269,921: Late March, 2007: The Rumbling UK Response to Iran Kidnapping UK Marines

So, there you have it: the official list. If anyone asks, you didn’t get it from me.

Reading these Chinese military press releases is like reading “The Confucius of Oz”, except the flying monkeys are Chengdu J-10’s and the way to safety involves repetition of Mao’s Little Red Book, not slippers.

China increased it’s military budget by 18% today, not including “weapons purchases and other key items”. As expected, the Chinese Legislature’s spokesman tells us that “China is committed to the path of peaceful development…and China does not and will not pose a threat to any country”.

Except, of course, the United States.

Mark Helprin, a senior fellow at the Clairemont Institute, writes an article today in the Washington Post titled “The Nuclear Threat From China”.

Wow! What a warmonger. Why won’t evil conservatives just leave China alone? If anything, the United States should allow other nations to flourish, while we limit our own destructive, patriarchal power.

If the dems win in ‘08, should I celebrate with Rosetta Stone Chinese Language software, or another handcranked radio/potassium iodide gift basket?

Another “university” “professor” of “history” has pledged his allegiance to the enemy.

Julio “ASSad” Pino, who is well-known for his pro-islamofacist stances, was exposed yet again to the limelight with his “writings” on a terrorist networking website “jihadist news service”.

Taking the philosophical high road, the “university” history department head, John Jameson, said that while ASSad “provided news stories to the website”, he “didn’t accept any ownership of it” and that “the allegations…appeared to be blown out of proportion”.

I think that ASSad will be in good shape if Ohio has anything like the state of Florida. Remember “professor” Al-Arian? He was “defended by UFF”, United Faculty of Florida, in honor of his “academic freedom and tenure rights” for defending…

His pro-life stance on abortion? His preaching of the Christian gospel? His speaking out against gay marriage?

No. Leadership of a massive terrorist network.

P.S. Darn you Kent State “University” for making me use too many quotation marks in a blog post. I would tell you to stop hiring people who hate America, but I imagine that would cause a problem with professor recruitment!

Over 300 militants were killed in a single battle yesterday in Najaf, with 2 Americans killed in the process.

Goodness, that reeks of quagmire to me! Or, at least, that is what a August 2003 article, only 4 months after the initial invasion, seems to be pointing out.

Thanks to the incredible reporting by Time these past years, it’s no wonder a recent Harris poll announced ‘round the world Bush and the boys are getting beat up..or so the American people think.

With news like that, the only thing the mainstream media could do to help the enemy more is load their ammunition..And they would if they knew how!

Headline reads: “China censorship damaged us, Google founders admit“.

Good. I’m glad to see the dual-billionaire founders have finally admitted that covering up human rights crimes of communist China was a huge mistake.

Let’s keep reading…. “On a business level, that decision to censor…was a net negative”.

Um, ok…So he has trouble expressing emotion? Let’s go on…

“We always consider what we do…But I don’t think as a company we should be making decisions based too much on perception”.

So, basically, no, we won’t change our policy of covering up China crimes, because not only do we not care what is right or wrong, we don’t care what people think of us.

Unless, of course…it has to do with global warming. Says Brin, ” I was concerned about my private jet and what not…I wanted to offset what I did . ”

Here is a thought, Mr. Brin. I’m sure the emissions from the burning of dead chinese dissidents combined with the hot air which comes out of your mouth more than outweighs the gases your frequent 767 trips produce. So, here is how to “reduce your carbon footprint”:

1) Stop covering up for China. Expose their crimes.

2) Shut up.

For a greener world…

A very insightful and entertaining article from Der Spiegel entitled “Hurray! We’re Capitulating!”.

Focusing on European reactions to Iran and the muhammad cartoons, Henryk Broder explains why Europe is in BIG trouble.

Check it out!

So, apparently Tom Cruise is the christ.

This contradicts with what I was told by a friendly gentleman on the corner of 5th and Broadway last Christmas.

However, due to the similarities between the two, I have to believe that either Tom Cruise was playing dress up last year, or that “Fred” has since died and possessed Tom’s body.

Let’s look at the facts:

a) both claim to be christ

b) both hate psychiatrists

c) both claim aliens were sent to earth by an intergalactic ruler

d) both are terrible actors (Fred didn’t lose his taxi fare!)

e) both have been on oprah

I report, his donations to scientology decide!

When your moral standards consist of free love and those tiny voices in your head, you can never be wrong!

Two PETA activists are standing trial for killing animals…And PETA is defending them!

A spokeswoman, Kathy Guillermo, was quoted as saying “PETA didn’t want to get into the business of euthanizing animals, but now, due to the horrible conditions in pounds, we do”.

Well Kathy, due to the horrible taste of vegetarian only meals, I’ve been forced to slay animals to suffice my appetite. After all, why can’t we eat animals if God made them out of meat?