Archer Martin

In an encouraging European development this week, German authorities are tracking G-8 protesters using their personal scent. Petra Pau, a senior lawmaker with the Left Party (home to former communists), said that this is a “method of the East German Stasi”. Of course, the people complaining about this “East German Stasi-esque” move are the same people who supported the communists while they were in power.

No word from animal rights activists whether or not the police dogs in question have had their rights violated, but hippie experts agree the activists will get around to it once they find a bar of soap and ultrasonic dog chaser.

No, not Donald Trump for getting Rosie O’Donnell canned from The View.

This guy! Investigators found that the snake involved was a victim of neglect? Are you kidding me? The snake would have given the dude a high five if he had hands. Now all he has to look forward to is a life of dead rats and birdseed. Stupid PETA!

As an esteemed member of the elite mainstream media, I am often privy to little-known but very important facts, including Chevron station deals on Diet Coke and dates of when the local bank gets a shipment of two dollar bills.

Today, however, I will be talking about the power play list. Unknown to all but a few, it ranks every display of power (power play) by an individual or nation. The list stretches into the trillions, but here is a sampling, ranked highest to lowest:

#1: August 6th, 1945: U.S.A. nukes Hiroshima
#3: June 6th, 1944: Allies invade Normandy
…
#236,923: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin cuts in front of line of girl-scouts at the ice cream shop
#493,203,326: March 31st, 2007: Geraldine Ferraro “gets Hillary’s back” against “Republican dirty tricks”. No word about getting her back concerning Bill’s “dirty tricks”.
#2,833,269,920: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin demands extra napkins from the owner of ice cream shop
#2,833,269,921: Late March, 2007: The Rumbling UK Response to Iran Kidnapping UK Marines

So, there you have it: the official list. If anyone asks, you didn’t get it from me.

Interesting press release from the American Conservative Student Union, or , ACSU.

Apparently during a march on January 27th, the group alleges abuse at the hands of Jackson’s organization and followers including death threats and a call to overthrow the United States with military force.

Here are some pictures and videos. ACSU’s website is here. They are holding a press conference on the steps of Rainbow/Push today @ 230pm EST. Should be exciting!

The headline says it all.

Except the fact she did it to support her bingo habit!

Big news today folks: Global warming is possibly linked to an enhanced risk of suicide.

This coming from Mr. A. Preti, psychologist, and author of some of the greatest research of our time, including the gem which states “reduction in prison overcrowding is a key issue which needs to be implemented to reduce the impact of suicide and self-harming behaviors in convicts “.

Thanks Einstein. I know this may be a huge shock to the liberals reading this blog, but being in close proximity to high-density populations of sex-starved male prisoners can actually lead to an increase in things such as suicide, voting democrat, and becoming a member of the Nation of Islam.

Oh, and before I forget about the warm weather making us want to cliff-dive, may I point out articles such as this from Slate which details how human mortality suffers most when it’s chilly outside. Articles like this one abound, but unfortunately, won’t get you money from Greenpeace, Al Gore, or Soros.

What’s a poor Italian professor to do?

When your moral standards consist of free love and those tiny voices in your head, you can never be wrong!

Two PETA activists are standing trial for killing animals…And PETA is defending them!

A spokeswoman, Kathy Guillermo, was quoted as saying “PETA didn’t want to get into the business of euthanizing animals, but now, due to the horrible conditions in pounds, we do”.

Well Kathy, due to the horrible taste of vegetarian only meals, I’ve been forced to slay animals to suffice my appetite. After all, why can’t we eat animals if God made them out of meat?

The Daily Kos, considered one of the most influential liberal blogs, immediately picked up on the January 18th Human Events article detailing our history and vision. In true leftist fashion, the comments section was filled with ad hominems and jokes which are only funny under the influence of marijuana.

As someone once said regarding enemies: First they ignore you, then laugh at you and hate you, then they fight you..

Then we win.

Am I the only person who is annoyed by the slew of financial services and insurance ads directed at baby boomers?

From Dennis Hopper to tye-dye, each ad is a little different, but conveys the same message: You, Baby Boomers, lived through it all. You presided over the destruction of morals and rallying of communist ideals in the 60’s, the music industry’s lowest point in the 70’s, cocaine and the extended hangover of the 80’s, Presidential disgrace in the 90’s, lukewarm war protests and tenure at universities in the 2000’s, and coming up, the bankrupting of social security, medicare, medicaid, and every other dollar our vigorous economy can provide you to supply your selfish retirement in the 2010’s and beyond.

Well, if “re-defining retirement” means “electing democrats to pass every single entitlement program to make up for lost economic time I spent finding myself as a buddhist monk selling animal balloons to junkie nubile coeds”, then I think the boomer generation has finally come up with a truly great generational distinction: Greatest contribution to the downfall of a nation by any generation in history.