Archer Martin

*RELEVANCE ALERT*

The Florida Senate is pushing through a bill which will add a “I choose not to vote” option to the ballot, in order to allow voters to “clearly display disdain for election officials.”

Ever hear of pressing “next” on the voting machine? This kinda reminds me of people who sign up for an email newsletter, report it as spam, and then reward themselves with a giant candy bar. Or crack cocaine.

In other news, the horribly repressed women of Iran continue to be arrested for wearing “loose” headscarves in public. No word when they will have the privilege to vote, but experts say it will probably occur during breaks between their hourly duties of watering camels and purifying uranium.

As an esteemed member of the elite mainstream media, I am often privy to little-known but very important facts, including Chevron station deals on Diet Coke and dates of when the local bank gets a shipment of two dollar bills.

Today, however, I will be talking about the power play list. Unknown to all but a few, it ranks every display of power (power play) by an individual or nation. The list stretches into the trillions, but here is a sampling, ranked highest to lowest:

#1: August 6th, 1945: U.S.A. nukes Hiroshima
#3: June 6th, 1944: Allies invade Normandy
…
#236,923: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin cuts in front of line of girl-scouts at the ice cream shop
#493,203,326: March 31st, 2007: Geraldine Ferraro “gets Hillary’s back” against “Republican dirty tricks”. No word about getting her back concerning Bill’s “dirty tricks”.
#2,833,269,920: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin demands extra napkins from the owner of ice cream shop
#2,833,269,921: Late March, 2007: The Rumbling UK Response to Iran Kidnapping UK Marines

So, there you have it: the official list. If anyone asks, you didn’t get it from me.

Yaaaaawwwwnnn…

Oh. Sorry. The last thing I remember was watching James Cameron’s exciting, ground-breaking, Christianity-destroying news conference about finding Jesus’ tomb, and now I’m in front of my tv surrounded by dirty clothes and stray cats. What a time!

Speaking of time, Nancy Pelosi promised Congress would spend more of it working, and less of it stashing away $90,000 in freezers. Do you think she’s kept that promise? Her word is about as valuable now as Paris Hilton’s “virginity pledge” from middle school summer camp. No wonder the democrats trust Mahmoud Ackdaminjianabsahasb of Iran!

Finally, about Iran. After seeing it laugh at another U.N. resolution, the “world powers” have taken a tough stand:

A NEW RESOLUTION.

The Russian Foreign Minister was quoted as saying he was “concerned with more frequent talks by the U.S. regarding possible military strikes”, while The New Yorker detailed our “possible bombing plan” against Iran.

So, the U.N. is a bunch of wimps, Russia sides with Iran’s nuclear ambitions, and the New Yorker outs our military plans to the world.

I can obviously conclude from all of this that global warming is indeed the greatest threat to mankind.

A very insightful and entertaining article from Der Spiegel entitled “Hurray! We’re Capitulating!”.

Focusing on European reactions to Iran and the muhammad cartoons, Henryk Broder explains why Europe is in BIG trouble.

Check it out!