Archer Martin

Not only is Bin Laden alive, but he also tried to kill Cheney?

In the world of the Taliban leader Mullah Dadullah, an attack planned against Cheney which didn’t even penetrate the base’s outermost defenses was a raging “success” as a result of Bin Laden’s “wise planning”.

There is kissing up, and then there is this. I think we can deduce from this story that Bin Laden is obviously not alive, because if he was, he’d behead Mullah Dadullah and feed him to his camels. It’s kinda like claiming to cure a cancer patient when all you did was give him an aspirin for his headache. I wouldn’t want to be that doctor!

*RELEVANCE ALERT*

The Florida Senate is pushing through a bill which will add a “I choose not to vote” option to the ballot, in order to allow voters to “clearly display disdain for election officials.”

Ever hear of pressing “next” on the voting machine? This kinda reminds me of people who sign up for an email newsletter, report it as spam, and then reward themselves with a giant candy bar. Or crack cocaine.

In other news, the horribly repressed women of Iran continue to be arrested for wearing “loose” headscarves in public. No word when they will have the privilege to vote, but experts say it will probably occur during breaks between their hourly duties of watering camels and purifying uranium.

FLASH! Devastating Moyers Probe of Press and Iraq Coming.

Hooray! Finally the press members have laid down their hammer and sickles in order to pick up the Red, White, and Blue. Right?

No.

The article begins: “The most powerful indictment of the news media falling down in its duties in the run-up to the war in Iraq will appear next Wednesday..on PBS.” It continues, ” While much of the evidence of the media’s role as cheerleaders for the war is not new…”

What? Cheerleaders? If by cheerleaders, you mean Carrie I might understand. Goodness, if the press loved the islamofascists anymore they may actually start saying Christians pose a greater threat than terrorists!

Senator Harry Reid says that the war against islamofascists in Iraq is lost, and that the only way we can win is diplomatically, economically, and politically.

Yawn. For a little excitement, let’s take a look at the diplomacy, economics, and politics of the islamofascists, shall we?

Islamofascist Diplomacy
Islamofascist Economics
Islamofascist Politics

Oh, now it all makes sense. American flag burning, plentiful narcotics, and mass protests by disgruntled freedom haters. No wonder the democrats are upset we’re trying to wipe these people off the face of the Earth!

As an esteemed member of the elite mainstream media, I am often privy to little-known but very important facts, including Chevron station deals on Diet Coke and dates of when the local bank gets a shipment of two dollar bills.

Today, however, I will be talking about the power play list. Unknown to all but a few, it ranks every display of power (power play) by an individual or nation. The list stretches into the trillions, but here is a sampling, ranked highest to lowest:

#1: August 6th, 1945: U.S.A. nukes Hiroshima
#3: June 6th, 1944: Allies invade Normandy
…
#236,923: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin cuts in front of line of girl-scouts at the ice cream shop
#493,203,326: March 31st, 2007: Geraldine Ferraro “gets Hillary’s back” against “Republican dirty tricks”. No word about getting her back concerning Bill’s “dirty tricks”.
#2,833,269,920: March 31st, 2007: Archer Martin demands extra napkins from the owner of ice cream shop
#2,833,269,921: Late March, 2007: The Rumbling UK Response to Iran Kidnapping UK Marines

So, there you have it: the official list. If anyone asks, you didn’t get it from me.

Check out this video. It’s a live action Taliban Date!

Self-described as a “politically incorrect comedy network”, OURcountry.com is a new community which launched last month offering users comedy, games, networking, and user-generated video.

Basically, it’s kinda like YouTube without the blatant censorship. Or rich, eco-friendly owners who fly around in personal Boeing-767’s. Because we all know the environmentally-wicked conservatives pump out more emissions from their tree-slaying F150’s in a minute than a Google 767 does in a year. Ford should do something responsible, like get into the corporate jet making industry, or something.

Yeah.

Another “university” “professor” of “history” has pledged his allegiance to the enemy.

Julio “ASSad” Pino, who is well-known for his pro-islamofacist stances, was exposed yet again to the limelight with his “writings” on a terrorist networking website “jihadist news service”.

Taking the philosophical high road, the “university” history department head, John Jameson, said that while ASSad “provided news stories to the website”, he “didn’t accept any ownership of it” and that “the allegations…appeared to be blown out of proportion”.

I think that ASSad will be in good shape if Ohio has anything like the state of Florida. Remember “professor” Al-Arian? He was “defended by UFF”, United Faculty of Florida, in honor of his “academic freedom and tenure rights” for defending…

His pro-life stance on abortion? His preaching of the Christian gospel? His speaking out against gay marriage?

No. Leadership of a massive terrorist network.

P.S. Darn you Kent State “University” for making me use too many quotation marks in a blog post. I would tell you to stop hiring people who hate America, but I imagine that would cause a problem with professor recruitment!