Archer Martin

Not only is Bin Laden alive, but he also tried to kill Cheney?

In the world of the Taliban leader Mullah Dadullah, an attack planned against Cheney which didn’t even penetrate the base’s outermost defenses was a raging “success” as a result of Bin Laden’s “wise planning”.

There is kissing up, and then there is this. I think we can deduce from this story that Bin Laden is obviously not alive, because if he was, he’d behead Mullah Dadullah and feed him to his camels. It’s kinda like claiming to cure a cancer patient when all you did was give him an aspirin for his headache. I wouldn’t want to be that doctor!

No, not Donald Trump for getting Rosie O’Donnell canned from The View.

This guy! Investigators found that the snake involved was a victim of neglect? Are you kidding me? The snake would have given the dude a high five if he had hands. Now all he has to look forward to is a life of dead rats and birdseed. Stupid PETA!

In a stunning blow to socialists everywhere, Walmart opens 400 medical clinics, continuing it’s tradition of low prices for all. You know, leftists hate Walmart. Always closing down mom and pop stores who have been ripping off local communities since 1902, and opening up markets to higher quality goods for lower prices.

One of the Mexico’s biggest exports have been illegal aliens, and our emergency rooms look more like landing pads for an invasion than medical facilities. With Wal-marts Urgent Care centers, healthcare will be delivered to these folks at a low price while maintaining high quality, thus alleviating some of the economic pressures currently facing the system. Score one for capitalism!

*RELEVANCE ALERT*

The Florida Senate is pushing through a bill which will add a “I choose not to vote” option to the ballot, in order to allow voters to “clearly display disdain for election officials.”

Ever hear of pressing “next” on the voting machine? This kinda reminds me of people who sign up for an email newsletter, report it as spam, and then reward themselves with a giant candy bar. Or crack cocaine.

In other news, the horribly repressed women of Iran continue to be arrested for wearing “loose” headscarves in public. No word when they will have the privilege to vote, but experts say it will probably occur during breaks between their hourly duties of watering camels and purifying uranium.

FLASH! Devastating Moyers Probe of Press and Iraq Coming.

Hooray! Finally the press members have laid down their hammer and sickles in order to pick up the Red, White, and Blue. Right?

No.

The article begins: “The most powerful indictment of the news media falling down in its duties in the run-up to the war in Iraq will appear next Wednesday..on PBS.” It continues, ” While much of the evidence of the media’s role as cheerleaders for the war is not new…”

What? Cheerleaders? If by cheerleaders, you mean Carrie I might understand. Goodness, if the press loved the islamofascists anymore they may actually start saying Christians pose a greater threat than terrorists!

Senator Harry Reid says that the war against islamofascists in Iraq is lost, and that the only way we can win is diplomatically, economically, and politically.

Yawn. For a little excitement, let’s take a look at the diplomacy, economics, and politics of the islamofascists, shall we?

Islamofascist Diplomacy
Islamofascist Economics
Islamofascist Politics

Oh, now it all makes sense. American flag burning, plentiful narcotics, and mass protests by disgruntled freedom haters. No wonder the democrats are upset we’re trying to wipe these people off the face of the Earth!

I wonder if Justice Ginsburg is upset because she and Janet Reno were thinking of aborting their love child if things turned out badly at the last minute. You know, like the girl being hot, Republican, or chaste.

Past few weeks have been busy. Too busy. Don’t worry. I’ll be back, and the millions of you (hi mom!) who read this will finally be able to end the hunger strikes and return to work…only to read my blog when you should be working.